Building an Ark today

[bfree]

In the year 2007, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in California, and said, 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.'

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, 'You have 6 months o build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.'

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -- but no Ark. 'Noah!' He roared. 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?'

'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have
changed. I needed a building permit.

I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.

My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations.

We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then, Xcel demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be
coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was an other problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Spotted Owl. I tried to convince the Sierra Club environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls -- but no-go!

When I started gathering the animals, PETA sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive , and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then, the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the ACLU on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization are checking the Visa status of most of the people who want to work.

The trades unions say I can' t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union Workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.' Suddenly - the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the entire sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?' 'No,' said the Lord, shaking his head. 'The government beat me to it.'