The Arby New Masterpiece Arrives (Part 1)
Let’s begin, shall we, with the box in which it arrived, and the way in which it was packed. It’s both obvious – and difficult – to describe just how different (i.e. BETTER) this machine was packed than any other machine we’ve ever received. So let me simply say this: I bet – state laws notwithstanding – that there have been people buried in this country in less secure boxes.
Moving on...to a subset of the packaging – the way the balls were packed/wrapped. I knew from the instant I saw them – inside a bag, ensconced with multiple layers of duct tape – that these were going to be MANLY BALLS (it was the duct tape that gave it away). And so they were.
(Final Note on the packaging: A confession. I admit it; I did not follow Arby’s emailed instructions on how to unpack/unbox the machine. (something to do with cutting it all around about an inch from the bottom and opening it like a refrigerator). I used a utility knife to cut around three sides at the top of the box, then I peeled back that whole flap, removed all the packing material inside, laid the box down with the machine facing up, and carefully slid it out, angling it so that by the time it was completely out of the box it was also fully upright. (DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME KIDS; I am NOT a professional. Always follow Arby’s instructions....or else!) :AR15firin
Grade for shipping/packing: Out of this world; off the charts; in a category/class all its own!!
And speaking of class...as I was unwrapping the now upright machine (yes, that’s correct...after having removed it from its padded space/time capsule I then closely encountered a machine very securely swathed from head to toe in a snug little plastic blankie) I then experienced a brief scare – I saw the manual – all neat and proper it its red see-through plastic binder – and I flashed back to Mrs. Hendrick’s English class: "OMG...is my book report due today?!!" I thought about it for a second, then it passed, and I quickly returned to the to the task at hand. Imagine, a color manual custom-made for the actual machine it’s describing!! What an amazing concept.
Grade for the manual: In a class all its own!!
Now that the New Masterpiece is fully unwrapped, I notice something quite familiar as soon as I touch it – that unmistakable feel of plastic dutifully polished with Novus #2. So smooooooth...yet you can still respect it -- and yourself -- in the morning.
Grade for fit & finish: Just like we prep ours.
Next up, I went hunting for the volume controls. (One of the added bonuses of getting a machine from Arby is not having to dig around for the wires to patch in the Syscoms.) At first I thought I had misread the auction description, because I looked all through the back and didn’t see any volume controls (aside from the standard 3-position switch). Then I went to the trusty manual, saw that the volume controls were inside the front glass door, and sure enough, as soon as I put in the key, turned it to the left, and opened the glass door -- there they were; like two old friends, Syscom 1 & Syscom 2.
Grade for volume controllability: A+
And before we even get to plugging it in, let’s answer the question I know is on everyone's mind:
"WHAT WAS BEHIND BOX #2?!"
Well, here’s a little sample:
A. What appears to be a Berlitz crash course in "How To Learn Japanese In Only 500 Easy Lessons!" (a.k.a. How to learn Japanese from magazines you have no idea what they’re saying.)
B. A "Back To The Future" video, by Monako, in Japanese, with Japanese subtitles.
C. 50 free passes to the "New Gold Ball" club.
D. Lunch
Now, from the above list, can you guess which one evoked the strongest reaction from Paula?
(If you guessed "D", you were correct.) Why? It had a lot to do with the shrimp crackers. Well, I’m assuming they were shrimp crackers; all the writing on the package was in Japanese, and my Japanese is still very limited. But they were pink; and they smelled kinda like shrimp; and they tasted kinda like shrimp. So, if it walks like a dog...etc. And then when Paula came home and I ran up to give here a big kiss – after just having eaten a big handful of the shrimp crackers – she started glaring at me. At first I had no idea why. Then a little bell went off and I hurried to say: "NO...I’ve been eating SHRIMP CRACKERS!" To which she snapped: "WHAT SHRIMP CRACKERS?! WE DON’T HAVE ANY SHRIMP CRACKERS!!" To which I calmly replied: "Ye we do. Arby sent them". And before she could say anything else, I showed her the bag. She took it, looked it up and down, opened it up, smelled the crackers, and without hesitating said: "EEEEEeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww". Then I said: "See? I TOLD you it was the shrimp crackers!"
Then SHE said:
.
To be continued...
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