Japanese Jokes....
Samurai joke
Back in the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor who needed a new head Samurai so he sent out a declaration throughout the country that he was searching for one. A year passed and only 3 people showed up.
The emperor asked the first Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head Samurai.
The first Samurai opened a match box and out pops a little fly. Whoosh goes his sword and the fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"
The emperor then asked the second Samurai to come in and demonstrate. The second Samurai also opened a match box and out pops a fly. Whoosh whoosh goes his sword. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is really very impressive!"
The emperor then had the third Samurai demonstrate why he should be the head Samurai. The third Samurai also opened a match box and out pops a fly. His flashing sword goes whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still alive and buzzing around. The emperor, obviously disappointed, asks, "After all of that, why is the fly not dead?" The third Samurai smiled, "If you look closely, you'll see that the fly has been circumcised!
Basic zen temple etiquette
Do not bring any weapons of explosives inside without authorisation from the head priest.
Do not pee on the tatami. Do not bring a dog or other pet that could pee on the tatami.
Do not replace dry garden's stones by erotic statues (even nice ones)
Do not advertise for commercial products with loudspeakers unless there already are loudspeakers from tour leaders or recorded explanations on the temple's history. Even in this last case, inquire to the temple staff just in case.
Do not draw a moustache on the Buddha images (neither glasses, but that make sense as it would be anachronical).
Do not picnic or have BBQ in the moss gardens (nor inside the temple) as it is considered vulgar (even for foreign tourists who do not know Japanese traditional customs - no exceptions !).
Do not tickle meditating priest, even to know whether they are faking or not.
Do not indulge in sexual activities in the Abbot's Hall (other rooms do not have specifications, although it would probably be frown upon)
And of course, do not forget to respect the sancity and calm of the premises
School Test
It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'"?
Again, no response except from Suzuki: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country knows more about its history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "******* Japanese."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982." At that point, a student in the back sighed, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Reply With Quote
very funny john 
"I've stopped fighting my inner demons, we are on the same side now." 
