Its tough getting old!

[doodude]

LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES: An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the
steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard" He says. "She got in the back-seat by
mistake." _______________________________________

FAMILY Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea l! listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
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"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!" Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer." _______________________________________

LITTLE LADY: A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing ome. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say Supersex."
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown
at him, she said, "Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered "I'll take the soup." _______________________________________

DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER 80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at he retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"
An lderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and says "Close enough." _______________________________________

SENIOR DRIVING As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that theres a car going the wrong way on the interstate.

please be careful"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's
hundreds of them!" ______________________________________

DRIVING Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely
see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman
in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have
sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came
to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right
through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had
been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting
nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they
went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you
know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have
killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?"

[arbycoffee]