The Great PachiTalk "Groan off" II

[naha13]

Instead of bumping up the last thread from the "old timers", I decided to start a new one!

So an ashtray walks into a bar, and says "Just call me Stub Me!"

[Steve Cebu]

The cigarette says I'm not into "Ash Play"!

[beachcat]

oh what have I started

we need rules!!!

[Steve Cebu]

One Pachinko machine says to the other. "I've got more Balls than you!"

[beachcat]

two blondes lock their keys in the car, One of the blondes tries to beak into the car while the other one watches.
finally the first one says "darn I cant get in the car!" the other blonde replies "keep trying , it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down"

[beachcat]

One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down.

The mechanical engineer said, "I think a rod broke."

The chemical engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I think it's not getting enough gas."

The electrical engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something's wrong with the electrical system."

All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"

The computer engineer said, "I think we should all get out and then get back in.

[beachcat]

Girls night out
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

[naha13]

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, Ma'am?" said the librarian looking up at her.

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked "What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" said the blonde.

The librarian nodded and said, "Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."
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[naha13]

Keep getting an automerger. Maybe this one will work:

What do massage therapists eat for dinner?

Spa-ghetti.

[Steve Cebu]

Certain basics are applied by the national auto industries of all
countries. The following rules apply:

* American cars are designed by engineers to be worked on by idiots.
* British cars are designed by idiots to be worked on by engineers.
* Italian cars are designed by lunatics to be worked on by fanatics.
* German cars are designed by scientists and not meant to be worked on
by their owners.
* French cars are designed by nobody to be worked on by everybody all
the time.
* Japanese cars are designed by committees to be worked on by midgets.
* Russian cars are designed by the Government to be keep the Proletariat
employed and then thrown away to pollute the environment.

Also note that the British firm, Lucas, has only managed to light the
night once, when it was engaged in building a nuclear powerplant..
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Easy Way to Clean a Toilet

1. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and put
both lids up.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the
bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both
lids. (You may need to stand on the lid. )
4.The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. (Never mind the
noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.)
4. Flush the toilet three or four times. (This provides! a
"power-wash" and "rinse.")
5. Have someone open the door to the outside (Be sure that there are
no people between the toilet and the outside door.)
6. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both
lids.
7. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he
will dry himself off.
8. Both the commode and the cat will now be sparkling clean!
Sincerely,
The Dog

[takethecastle57]

Two Nuts walk into a bar and one was a salted .

[Steve Cebu]

An American tourist in London found himself needing to take a leak something
terrible. After a long search he just couldn't find any public bathroom to
relieve himself. So he went down one of the side streets to take care of
business. Just as he was unzipping, a London police officer showed up.
"Look here, old chap, what are you doing?" the officer asked.
"I'm sorry," the American replied, but I really gotta take a leak."
"You can't do that here," the officer told him. "Look, follow me."
The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty
flowers, and manicured hedges. "Here," said the policeman, "whiz away."
The American tourist shrugged, turned, unzipped, and started watering the
flowers.
"Ahhh," he said in relief.
Then turning toward the officer, he said, "This is very nice of you. Is
this British courtesy?"
"No," retorted the policeman. "It's the French Embassy."

[naha13]

• Knock knock.
• Who's there?
• Banana.
• Banana who?
• Knock knock.
• Who's there?
• Banana.
• Banana who?
• Knock knock.
• Who's there?
• Banana.
• Banana who?
• Knock knock.
• Who's there?
• Orange.
• Orange who?
• Spoiler

  Orange you glad I didn't say Banana?

[JACKSJE4]

What did one burp say to the other burp?

Let's be stinkers and go out the other end.

[Card Shark]

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.
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Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs?
Because the cow has the utter.
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How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
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What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.
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What's brown and sticky?
A stick!

[JACKSJE4]

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?


Anyone can roast beef.

[Card Shark]

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

[Steve Cebu]

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along
and hit the door, ripping it off completely.
When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was hopping up and
down with rage, complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious
BMW. "Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he shrieked.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the
officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't
even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"
"Oh my God...", replied the lawyer, looking down and noticing for the
first time the bloody stump where his left arm had once been.
"Where's my Rolex???"

[Card Shark]

Two blondes walk into a building... .. you'd think at least
one of them would have seen it

[JACKSJE4]

What's the difference between a squirrel lying dead in the middle of the road, and Justin Bieber lying dead in the middle of the road?

Spoiler

The squirrel has skid marks in front of him.