The Great PachiTalk "Groan off" II

[naha13]

• "Have you heard about the new pirate movie?"
• Spoiler

  "It's rated aaarrrrrrrr."

[naha13]

A polar bear walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a large orange juice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . on the rocks."
The bartender served the juice and said, "Here it is, but why the big pause?"
"I don't know," the polar bear replied. "I've always had them."
______________________________________________________

• What do you call a man who inherits a dairy?
• Spoiler

  A Dairy Heir.

[Steve Cebu]

Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when
one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along
yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman
rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
"The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the
clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
------------------------------------------------------------
Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist,
the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice
as big as it needs to be.
------------------------------------------------------------
Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning
for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed,
"What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's
have a word with him." [dramatic pause]
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse
from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a
special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do
for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
------------------------------------------------------------
Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing
all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for
over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the
company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they
were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines.
They had tried everything and everyone else to get the
machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the
retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day
studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked
a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine
and stated, "This is where your problem is".
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.
The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his
service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
------------------------------------------------------------
Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
------------------------------------------------------------
Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing
the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a
mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The
nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else
would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
------------------------------------------------------------
Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet."
------------------------------------------------------------
Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing
whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a
solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they
will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and
you can go to the lab and get some work done."
------------------------------------------------------------
Comprehending Engineers - Take Nine
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called
out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a
beautiful princess".
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn
me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for
one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,
smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it
back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you
I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week
and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time
for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

[takethecastle57]

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan Island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

[Steve Cebu]

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde all work in the same office with the
same female boss. Every day, they noticed she left work early.
One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right
behind her. Afterall, she never called or came back, so how was she to
know!? The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little
gardening and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa
before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy, happy, happy to be home but when she got to her
bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she
cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with
HER BOSS!!! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her
house.
The next day during their coffee break, the brunette and redhead
mentioned leaving early again and asked the blonde if she was with them.
"NO WAY," she exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"

[naha13]

Two atoms are talking:

• "Help, somebody has stolen one of my electrons!"
• "Are you sure?"
• "Yes, I'm positive!"

______________________________________________________

• Knock knock.
• Who's there?
• Boo.
• Boo hoo?
• It's just a joke -- you don't have to cry about it.

[takethecastle57]

Mother : Why did you just swallow the money I gave you ?

Son : Well you did say it was my lunch money !

[Steve Cebu]

The teacher called on Johnny to solve the next question. "There are 3 ducks
sitting on a fence", she said, "and the farmer comes out and shoots one of
them. How many are still on the fence?. Johnny thinks a second and says
"none".
The Teacher asked him how he figured that. "Well, he said, when the farmer
shot the first duck, the noise scared the other 2 and they flew away". The
teacher said "That's not really the answer I was looking for but I like your
thinking". Then Johnny says "Now can I ask you
one?".
The teacher said okay. Johnny says "There are 3 women with an ice cream cone
in their hands. One is chewing it, one is biting it and one is licking it.
Which one is married?. The teacher said, "Why, the one that's licking it" to
which Johnny answered "Wrong. It's the one with the wedding ring on, but I
like your thinking..."

[takethecastle57]

Teacher : I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow ?

Pupil : Yes , the cow ate all the grass !

[naha13]

A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say, "Nice tie!" Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender. A few sips later the voice said, "Beautiful shirt." At this, the man called the bartender over. "Hey, I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us."
"It's the peanuts," answered the bartender. "They're complimentary."

[takethecastle57]

Teacher : Did your parents help you with these homework problems ?

Pupil : No I got them all wrong by myself !

[MrGneiss]

OMG, a new law was just passed..All groan offs must end on Leap Day!!