01PyTypeR#1140 Joke Of The Day!!!

[dattia]

I also have disabled people in my family that have permits to park in those handicap spaces... this joke was not a hit on anyone with a disability. It is unfortunate that you took it that way.

[birdbrain]

i was a tap on silly government regulations that are haphazardly enforced.the convenience store at the end of my street has 5 parking spaces ,2 are handicapped . this came about when they resurfaced the parking lot. they always had one spot but since they now have 2 they have seen a 12-15% drop in revenues because they are no longer "convenient" meanwhile the store 2 blocks away, with no reserved spot, has seen a steady increase in sales over the same period.

[01PyTypeR#1140]

The Old Motor



The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.

The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, 'This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?'

The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old motor running.'?

The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child. The same nurse was attending the delivery and again, She went out to congratulate the old gentleman. She said, 'Sir, you are something else. How do you manage it?'

The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old motor running.'

A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child. The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, 'Well, you surely are something else! How do you do it?'

The old man replied, 'It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running.' The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said: Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one's black!'

[Meathead]

That deserved a groan...

Glad to see you're continuing. I was going to kick this thread a bump tonight, but you already took care of that. Well, here's my joke so you can groan me...

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!"

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer.

"'What the heck is this?" he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.

"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"

She replied, "It's not talcum powder...It's 'Miracle Grow.'"

[teqkng]

Ok So how to I let my 8 year old read it... ANd he thought 3rd grade was tough.

[Meathead]

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten
over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.


Incredibly drunk and walking home they
needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.


One of them had nothing to wipe with so she
thought she would take off her panties and use them.


Her friend however was wearing a
rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.


She was lucky enough to squat down next to a
grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.


After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the woman's
husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife

was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said:


These girl nights out have got to stop!

I'm starting to suspect the worst. .. my wife came home with no panties!!'



'That's nothing' said the other husband,

'Mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that said...

'From all of us at the FireStation.
We'll never forget you.

[FTKServices]

That one was funny.

[01PyTypeR#1140]

Marital Counseling

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish

[01PyTypeR#1140]

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.

Well, said the Director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.

Oh, I understand, said the visitor.

A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.

No said the Director, A normal person would pull the plug out.

Do you want a bed near the window or the door?

[BigBearSteve]

[chmer01]

Polish Women are Tough


An elderly Polish man lay dying in his bed. While
suffering the agonies of impending death, he
suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite pierogi
with fried onions wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted
himself from the bed. Gripping the railing with both
hands, he crawled downstairs.
Once downstairs, he leaned against the door frame,
gazing into the kitchen, where if not for death's
agony, he would have thought himself already in
heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on
the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite pierogi.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from
his wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this
world a happy man?

He threw himself towards the table, landing on his
knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips
parted, the wondrous taste of the pierogi was
already in his mouth. With a trembling hand he
reached up to the edge of the table, when suddenly
he was smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.

"Back off!" she said. "Those are for the funeral. "

[takethecastle57]

I love a Great Polish joke since I am 100% Polish Let me know when you got one .

[Meathead]

I love a Great Polish joke since I am 100% Polish Let me know when you got one .

Apparently it wasn't typed slowly enough for you!

[takethecastle57]

well ya got a GROAN from me Break out the confette

[new in town]

I love a Great Polish joke since I am 100% Polish Let me know when you got one .

OK.

What do you call a Polish Community with a total combined I.Q. of 101?

Spoiler

GIFTED!!!

Spoiler

Bang

[dattia]

Just a little interjection on the state of political correctness here in the U.S... I grew up in a time when Polish jokes were all the rage... I enjoyed them very much, I'm NOT Polish. It never occured to me that you just don't hear them anymore, probably much to the relief of Polish people 'round the world. My point is this, the other day, my 17 year old son asked me what is the significance of a Polish joke. He had NO idea.

[luckydog]

a Polack is a European hillbilly

[01PyTypeR#1140]

a Polack is a European hillbilly

Doesn't get any simpler than that!

[hanabi]

The ony time I have ever heard Polish 'jokes' is here at PT!!

Over here we usually just pick on The Englishman, The Irishman and The Scotsman,
for some reason...

[Meathead]

I think every country is different. Here it was Italian and Polish jokes when I was growing up. (How do you know which submarine is the Italian one? It has screen doors...) Now, it's rare to hear a joke about a European nationality. (Except for the British and their bad teeth!! )

European relatives of mine related similar jokes not to Poles or Italians, but to Turks, or other nationalities. Political correctness has not completely taken over. The truth is, every ethnicity and nationality can be poked fun at. I don't mind, as long as it's not mean-spirited or malicious.