01PyTypeR#1140 Joke Of The Day!!!

[luckydog]

3 years old almost to the day


PachiTalk

[01PyTypeR#1140]

3 years old almost to the day


PachiTalk

Well maybe someone didn't hear it?

[luckydog]

I'll be 68 years old in July, so I've heard a lot of jokes during all that time

[01PyTypeR#1140]

Payday

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" He replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

[01PyTypeR#1140]

Married

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."

The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.

"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"

[luckydog]

finally-----two good ones

[01PyTypeR#1140]

Bush Fans

There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans.
Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy--Johnny.

The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a Bush fan."

The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush fan?"

Johnny says, "I'm a John F. Kerry fan." The teacher asks why he's a Kerry fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry fan, and my Dad's a Kerry fan, so I'm a Kerry fan!"

The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if you're Mom was a moron, and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan."

[RaymondV]

I wish I could thank that one twice, best joke so far.

[hanabi]

at last!!


a Funny One!!

[01PyTypeR#1140]

Hillary Drowning

Hillary Clinton was out jogging one morning along the parkway when she tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the Saw Mill River near Chappaqua.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to her, 3 kids
who were fishing pulled her out of the water. She was so grateful, she
offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland."
Hillary said, "No problem, I'll take you there on my
special Senator's airplane."

The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordans."
Hillary said, "I'll get them for you and even have
Michael sign them."

The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with
a built in TV and stereo headset!"

Hillary was a little perplexed by this and said, "But
you don't look like you're handicapped."

The kid said, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved
your ass from drowning."

[BigBearSteve]

[Sid]

[RaymondV]

[01PyTypeR#1140]

Turner Brown

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down, and says: '7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown.'

The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.. The big guy says: 'What's wrong with you?'

Put your ad here!

In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'

The big dude says: 'I saw your look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks. I'm 7 feet tall. I weigh 350 pounds. I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.'

The small guy says: 'Turner Brown. Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around.'

[01PyTypeR#1140]

Confession Code

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your own wife fell four times this week."

[01PyTypeR#1140]

Language

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

[01PyTypeR#1140]

Nasa VS Russia!

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.

The Russians used a pencil.

[bfree]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an
attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken back because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'I think you are the
father of one of my kids.' Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, '

Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'

She looks into his eyes and says
calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

[dattia]

I could have done without the veggie visual...but it was funny!

[bfree]

Yet, the Turner Brown joke did not raise any objections???