Happy Birthday, I'm Winning!!!

**johntofva** · 09-19-2006, 10:18 AM

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos and pierced navels?......

Money can't buy happiness--but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than a Kia.........

After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching somewhere...you may be dead.....

"The beauty of a joke is that it can be used to make others forget their problems, if only for a moment." - unknown

**slothappy144** · 09-19-2006, 10:23 AM

I am keeping to pirate jokes in honor of the day.
What's the pirate's wife's name?
Peggy!
What has 8 legs, 8 arms and 8 eyes?
8 pirates.
What do you call 1000 pirates in a room?
Avast conspiracy!

**johntofva** · 09-19-2006, 10:50 AM

Have you heard about the new pyrate movie?
It’s rated AARRRR!
And do you know why?
Because of all the booty!

How did the pyrate stop smoking?
He used the patch!

How much did the pyrate pay for his peg leg and hook?
An arm and a leg!

What do you call a pyrate that skips class?
Captain Hooky!

why does a pyrate's phone go beep beep beep beep beep?
because he left it off the hook!

How do pyrates know when they are about to be attacked?
They watch Sea-span!

What do you call a pyrate who poses for Playboy?
A Play-matey

**slothappy144** · 09-19-2006, 11:52 AM

What does a pirate say when he takes over Santa's job?
Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum.

What kind of phone calls do pirates make late at night?
Arrr, they be makin' BOOTY calls!

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck!

What do you call a good looking pirate girl?
Aye Candy!

**johntofva** · 09-19-2006, 12:53 PM

Originally Posted by slothappy144

What does a pirate say when he takes over Santa's job?
Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum.

This one I like......

**Tulsa** · 09-19-2006, 01:07 PM

What's a pirate's favorite mode of transportation?
A cAARRRRGGH!

Why do pirates always have a bar of soap tied to them?
So when they are shipwrecked they can wash themselves ashore!

What did Captain Hook die of?
Jock itch!

What do pirates do for fun?
They play caaaarrrrds.

What does a pirate and a pimp have in common?
They both say YO HO!

**slothappy144** · 09-19-2006, 01:28 PM

hmmmmmmmmm Rum, sea air, warm sand beach.......
it is cold grey and drizzeling here.
I have a good but longer Pirate joke Will try to keep it clean. reminds me of corporate life.

A young man wanted to be a Pirate so he went to the docks and went aboard a pirate ship to see if he really wanted to be a buccaneer.
A swabby offerd to show hm around and explain how great i is to be a pirate.
the Swaby explains "you sail around the sea, stop in intersting ports, meet and kill all sort of folk. We eat great and keep 1/2 of the plunder."
The young man notices there are only men on the ship. They are out to sea for weeks at a time what do they do for relief?

The swabby replies " go over to that barrel and rest your *** in that bung hole. The guy tries it and says " Thats great! sign me up!"
so they make way and as soon as they are out of sight of land the captain points to the new guy and says" Arrr, it be your turn in the barrel matey."